Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize