what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
