ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
