so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
