Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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