Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
