On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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