Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
