At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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