Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
