my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
