i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
