You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
