I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Floor bacon is actually really good
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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