i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
