problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't make out with my wife yet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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