Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
bring money and cleavage
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
