I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Semen is not good for contacts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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