by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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