Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
