I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
