Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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