just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
