Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize