Porn is love you can see.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
