my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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