Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize