I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize