She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
