is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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