I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
