she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
