You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
