I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He has the fingertips of a God
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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