he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
