There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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