Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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