Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
