gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
