i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
