I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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