I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
