dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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