I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
