My liver just broke up with me...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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