God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
