did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So much rum. So many feels.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
