It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
