matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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