She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
