ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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