this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
