I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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