69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
