I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
