I have demons in me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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