he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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