would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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