I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
