Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
