I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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