3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
