I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Two words: blizzard sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
