so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
