Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
