just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
