i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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