this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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