It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
