she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
